Fear

As I have mentioned before, I am obsessed with LOST. It is always my goal to incorporate LOST into blog posts. When I thought about writing a post about fear, it was only natural that I include the following clip.

Here we have Kate and Jack. Jack is a doctor and has severely injured himself when he asks Kate to stitch him up. Notice what he says about fear.

I remember the first day I was a substitute teacher. I got the call after school had already started and the girl on the other end of the line begged me to take the job...so I did. On the drive there, I started (to put it mildly) freaking out. I was getting anxiety because I had no idea what to expect from the day. My mind was reeling.

I started thinking about how inadequate I was as a teacher. I was questioning all the experiences I had that got me to this point. I was certain that I was going to experience a fight breaking out in my classroom or a very defiant child. Truth be told, I felt this same way each day while I was driving to the high school where I taught.

One day I realized I couldn't live in fear all of the time. It was paralyzing me. I was going to be put in difficult circumstances and it's okay to feel the fear for five seconds, but I can't let it take over! I love the lyrics from the Sound of Music song "I Have Confidence." I really relate to Julie Andrew's character while she is singing this song.

What will this day be like?
I wonder
What will my future be?
I wonder
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
Now here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

Oh I must stop all these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack.

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy, and while I show them.

I'll show me! So!

Let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me.

Somehow I will impress them, I will be firm but kind
And all those children, heaven bless them
They will look up to me and mind me.

With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me.

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides what you see I have confidence in me!

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber
When you wake up, wake up! It's healthy!

All I trust I give my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!!

What I love about both this song and the clip from LOST is that the characters admitted their fear. They felt it and they let it take over, but for only a few seconds. Then they pushed it aside and did what they were afraid of to the best of their abilities.

You will feel fear. I felt it every Sunday night around 8 pm and every morning while driving to school. But, I prepared for each assignment as best I could. I worked to improve my classroom management skills, I got a good night's sleep, and arrived at least 20 minutes early each teaching day. Because I made these preparations, I can truly say, I have confidence in me!!